The Next Step

Today Mike and I had a phone conference with a woman at the agency in California.  It's one larger agency with locations in California, Texas, Georgia, and more states.  The reason we've thought to go with them is that they work in highly populated states, hopefully increasing the potential birthparents to choose us as adoptive parents.  The next step with them is to go out to one of their locations for an intensive weekend of training, information, etc.  It will help us learn about writing our birthparent letter, making our online profile, and more.  We're thinking of going to the LA location and maybe fit in a visit with my family at the same time.  We're thinking of trying to make the weekend in November that they are hosting.

While working on scheduling that, this weekend we're getting our preliminary application ready to send in to the Colorado agency.  We're going to have our Boulder county forwarded to them.

It's all overwhelming.  Yet, I feel like we're getting our minds wrapped around the complex process and making visible progress.  Mike and I feel comfortable with the direction we're taking.  Baby steps, baby steps.  This is a process with many stages of pushing and waiting.  It's a roller coaster process, but I am confident that it will result in us creating a family and beginning the scary and joyful adventure of parenthood.

Progress!

Found out yesterday that the Colorado agency will accept our home-study and possibly the training through Boulder County.  This means that we will have to pay about half the cost and do an "update" rather than a whole new home study.  And, we might not have to go through the Education and pay that fee because we did the training for the foster, fost-adopt program before caring for Little D.

The next step is to fill out the preliminary application with the Colorado agency and pay that fee.

We have a conference call with the agency in California.  They will be our placement agency, circulating our profile book and matching us with birthparents. 

This process is definitely going to be a test of my patience.  I am of the personality type who when I have a goal or direction, I want to be there now.  I want it settled right away.  I want to already be where I envision.  Mike has wonderfully reminded me many times that there will always be a next phase in life.  There will always be something more to accomplish, something more to attain.  Remember to enjoy the process and be happy with where you are.

So much of this  process is going to involve waiting on other things or other people.  I have to work on letting go.  I have to become more comfortable with knowing there are parts of this process that is out of our control.

Lawyers Redeemed

After yesterday's frustration with the rude lawyer, another lawyer called me today to return my phone call.  He was very nice.  He told me, "That's a good question.  Unfortunately I don't know the answer to that.  Let me give you the number of a someone who might."  OK, so my question didn't get answered.  Atleast the guy was honest and listened.  Yay!

ARG!

OK, so I have a gripe!  We found out that the placement adoption agency that works out of state will accept our Boulder county home study we used for the foster care system.  I tried calling the agency here in Colorado to try to see if they will accept it until it expires in a few months and then do an update.  That way we'll only have to spend the money on one home study before we get a baby.  I didn't get an answer at the Colorado agency.

Mike had suggested I call some adoption attorneys here to see if maybe we don't even need the Colorado agency but they can tell us what the process would be and refer us to the right places. 

The lawyer I spoke to was so curt and rude.  "Do you have the baby?  Have you met the baby?  Is this baby perhaps from India?"

"I'm just trying to figure out the system.  Do we need the agency here?  Can you help me with what would be required?"

"You're like 20 steps ahead of where you need to be.  I can't help you."

"Thank you so much for your time," I said quite sarcastically.

ARG!!!!!!  I thoroughly admit that I don't know how it all works.  That's why I'm calling!!!!!!!  I'm trying to figure out the process.  I'm looking for someone to tell me what needs to be done.  Again, this just reminds me of how insecure and uncomfortable I get when encountering a system where I don't know how it works.  It makes me feel so stupid.  I'm hoping that the Colorado agency can give me more answers tomorrow.

Meanwhile I've heard from a friend in CA who's a high school teacher that she has 4 students who are pregnant.  I'LL TAKE ONE!

Hopefully one step closer!

The Beginning

OUR JOURNEY OF ADOPTION

 MIKE AND KRISTIN VREDEVOOGD

Mike and Kristin Vredevoogd

 (on our honeymoon, August 2005)

After being married five years, Mike and I are looking to create a family through the process of adoption.  What an exciting and scary adventure.  This blog is a sharing of our experience and our journey to creating our family.

After fostering a baby boy, Little D. for four months, we were devastated to lose him when he was reunited with his father.  We agreed that the foster system is wonderful, with the best of intentions.  It works well for people who are looking to do a good thing by loving and caring for children on a temporary basis.  We feel blessed that we were able to do that for Little D.  You can't help but get attached and love that child, to be badly hurt when they leave you.  Mike and I agreed that despite the positives of the foster care system, it is not the path for us, a couple who want to create a family and have a child of our own, making us his/her forever family.

In my adoption reading, really the first step is looking into agencies.  All the books tell you to trust your gut instincts.  Two weeks ago we met with three different adoption agencies.  I expected to go into these meetings with a clear-cut, straight-forward, instant feeling of which way to go.  I immediately felt overwhelmed by all the different ways we can go: domestic, international, newborn, waiting child, etc.  I am someone who feels very uncomfortable not knowing how a process works.  When I encounter that, I feel insecure and stupid.

After a busy couple of weeks and some time to digest all of the different options and information we've received, Mike and I today decided upon which agency we think we want to go with.  We're wanting to do domestic infant adoption, but opening ourselves up to using two different agencies to do an adoption possibly out of state.  We will use one agency here in Colorado to do the home study, post-placement visits, etc.  We will then use another agency that works in a number of other states to open ourselves up to the potential of more birth-parents.  We do have questions to ask and more information to obtain this week before proceeding, but we feel good about the journey we're beginning.

I feel grateful and blessed to know the love and support of our family and friends.  We've decided to swallow our pride and accept financial help from my parents.  It's difficult to wrap my head and heart around the fact that there are people having children in the wrong phase of life; they're too young or do not have the means to care for a child.  Yet, I've always known that I want to be a mother and have had to grapple with the fact that I'm unable to have a child of my own through natural means.  Yet, here we have to go through this incredible emotional roller coaster and very big expense in order to become parents.